Baby Born

Ashley had her baby last Wednesday. A beautiful baby girl—7 pounds 14 ounces. She was fortunate to have a dula help her through delivery and follow-up. Ashley had a firm decision to place and then the baby was born. This is always a difficult time. Girls are torn between the decision they believe is best for the baby and their desires to be with their child.

Ashley checked out of the hospital on Thursday and spent the night with the baby at a friend’s home. On Friday, she decided that she would place the baby with the adoptive couple on Saturday. The placement was sweet. Ashley invited her 4 siblings and mother to be present. They spent 2 hours visiting and then went to get something to eat before saying goodbye.

On Sunday afternoon, Ashley called to tell me she was so lonely and wanted her baby back. She was struggling with big feelings of emptiness and being alone at the house. She decided that she could wait until the next day to make any decisions.

When I talked to Ashley on Monday, she asked if she could visit with the adoptive couple again. She thought she needed a little more time to get to know them. The arrangements were made and Ashley was soon visiting with her “couple” again. They spent 3 hours together (Ashley, couple, baby). The focus, this time, was all about Ashley. Typically, Ashley is the one taking care of everyone. This time, she let her needs be met. After the visit, Ashley was ready to have her parental rights terminated. She said, “I am so blessed to have the best adoptive couple in the world”. Ashley’s couple loves her enough to take care of her needs. It was beautiful to see. As of today, she continues to heal.

FULL CIRCLE

(names have been changed)
Several years ago I met Sarah. She wanted to move out of the area in order to keep her pregnancy confidential. I met with her briefly, offered support and sent her to another office. Jim, birth father, was in my service area, so I worked with him. He was not interested in placing his child for adoption; however, he said he would consider what Sarah wanted. I explained that Sarah wanted to place their child for adoption so they could both go forward with their lives as individuals. Sarah loved her child, but wanted a mother and father raising her baby.
In an attempt to connect with Jim at our first meeting, I talked about things that that he was interested in. I learned that he loved the outdoors (hunting, fishing), enjoying these activities with his father as he grew up. I shared with him that I had a brother who was also an outdoorsman and the joy it brought into his life.
As part of the process to encourage Jim to consider adoption, the three of us met to look at adoptive couple profiles, hoping Sarah and Jim could agree on a couple. They could not find a couple that met what they were both looking for.
I continued to meet with Jim. At one visit, he asked about my brother. He said he wanted his son to grow up like his did, in a family involved in hunting and fishing. This “love” had been passed from father to son for several generations. He asked if my brother would consider adopting a child. I was surprised by his question. I explained that my brother and his wife had 2 daughters (12 and 14 years old) and weren’t able to conceive again. They wanted more children, but no more children came into their home. Sarah wanted her child to go to a home that did not have children, but was willing to consider this option in order to work with Jim.
As it turned out, my brother’s family was thrilled at the possibility of adopting another child. Letters and pictures were exchanged before Sarah and Jim decided this family was right for their child. Sarah chose to meet the adoptive couple (my brother and his wife.).
A beautiful baby boy was born to Sarah. When he was a few days old, Sarah placed “Hunter” in my brother’s arms. He is a wonderful child and both his families love him very much. As he has grown, he has a strong interest in hunting, camping, fishing and the great outdoors. He is a combination of his birth father and adoptive father, as well as birth mother and adoptive mother.
Recently, Sarah invited me to attend her temple wedding. We have kept in touch throughout the years. She served a mission and will soon graduate from college. It seemed odd to sit in a room with so many people and not feel a part of the group. Very few people there knew who I was because of the confidentiality of Sarah’s choice. After the ceremony, one by one, the attendees (important people to the newly weds) walked past the couple to congratulate them. As I approached Sarah, I started to cry. I was touched emotionally to be able to share in this important event. Crying, I embraced her and whispered in her ear that I loved her and was happy for her. Now she was starting her own eternal family.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

Over the years, I have not been a fan of writing. I thought about writing a book, even started, but let it drop because my thoughts and ideas are so “random”. You are probably wondering why I Blog. Well, I decided that I did HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY and wanted to share with others.

Now that I realize that I have something to say, some of my ideas have shown up in print under another writer’s name. I am not insinuating that someone stole my ideas, just that someone printed their idea and it was an idea I already had.

One such idea was in a church magazine. I’ll share my version with you. I have shared this idea in counseling sessions, but never put it into print. The author of the article was a therapist.

I believe I existed prior to my birth on earth. Although I don’t remember that pre-life, I think that some part of my being does. I can imagine feeling so “perfectly loved” by my Heavenly Father, that when I came to earth, I began searching for that same “perfect love”. No matter how wonderful my parents might be, they cannot compare to what I must have felt from my Heavenly Father, and so I search. Nothing can fill that void except a reconnection through a spiritual relationship with God. Some people turn to food, gambling, shopping, chocolate, sex, pornography…..Nothing will replace that “perfect love”. I have come to realize that I have so much more capabilities as I build a close relationship to my God. I also have more ability to help and inspire other people towards their positive goals.

Finding that “perfect love” comes from talking with Him. Get to know Him and share your joy, pain, struggle, success….with Him. Take the time to find Him and as you do, you will find yourself and a love far greater that any “boy” can give you. Good luck. Enjoy the journey. You will discover how fascinating you are and that you are indeed “loveable”.

Transforming the Difficult Child

I recently attended a class called “Transforming the Difficult Child”. I enjoyed the instructor, but didn’t learn much because he taught what I already believed. I did get a few “gems”. Basically, he taught—be positive with children:
1. give frequent, positive feedback, being clear and specific rather than just saying “good job”
2. spend time with children in a positive way
3. use rewards over punishment or “take away”
4. if time out is needed, make it short (a minute)
5. don’t engage in power struggles
6. make the explanation clear to “earn rewards”
7. make the expectations for behavior clear
This program can help children of all ages—even adults. I think most of us do better with positive feedback and knowledge of the expectations.

Another point he made was regarding a child’s “intensity”. I liked this idea. People are different and so are children. We are all going about our journey in the best way we know how, trying to get out needs meet. We all have different needs and different ways of doing our journey. I decided I want to be someone that can help others manage their intensity in such a way that they are able to accomplish their life’s missions. We are all going somewhere and we can all use support. Our “intensity” if part of our “gifts” and learning to manage our “intensity” helps us grow stronger.

Transforming the Difficult Child is a book. The speaker/author claims his ideas even works with ADD children.

Funny Story

My husband was out of town, so I decided to get up early to go exercise. Due to the electricity blowing out from the wind storms, my alarm clock was no longer working. I tried several times to set an expensive alarm and finally gave up. (Have I mentioned before that I am challenged in many ways? I guess one way is with alarm clocks.) I set the little cheap alarm and went to bed far too late to get much sleep.

I was determined to wake up, so when the alarm went off, I only swipped at it a few times before I realized it wasn't the alarm by me, but something noisey on the other side of the room. I guess the expensive alarm did work. I was sooooo tired, that I thought I would rest for just a few mintues. Then the alarm goes off again---on the other side of the bed. Aparently the expensive alarm clock worked.

I got up, dressed in a hurry and exited the house at this early hour. I have a remote trunk opener, which I used to put all my bags into. (I have a bag for working out, and one with all my change into work clothes.) Whoops, I accidently set off the car alarm. Hope the neighbors didn't mind at this early hour. I noticed the clock in the car said 3 A.M. I was a little confused and was sure there was an electrical error. (I have been known to cause electrical car error due to my energetic personality.) I continued on my way out the driveway when I wondered about the time. I couldn't be sure because 3:30 or 5:30, it is all dark. I was really confused and decided to return to the house to check and see if the clocks in the house were messed up too. Once I got inside, sure enough, all the clocks were messed up, just like the car. The house clocks all said 3:30 A.M. It took a little time to realize that I was the one messed up and the time was actuallly 3:30 A.M. That was over 2 hours earlier that I expected to awaken. I am sure the neighbor's didn't like hearing the car alarm that early either.

Well, I crawled back into bed, but was so wound up, I never fell back asleep. When 5:30 A.M. finally arrived, I got out of bed AGAIN. I had a good chuckle.

My day was long and I was tired by 6:30 P.M. I was wearing my new fancy cowboy boot--just what a girl needs for a long day. I was helping a young birth mom deal with emotions around placement and saying goodbye. I left the room to use the rest room and returned to help birth mom leave. She had been crying and struggling for about 2 hours. As I walked over to give her support, she asked me, "What is on your boot?" I was dragging toilet paper on one boot heel. We all cracked up laughing.

I just shook my head and thought to myself--A very FUNNY DAY. I hope you are laughing too.

ROCKS

As mentioned yesterday, I like rocks. So did my father. When he was middle aged, he would bring home jumbo rocks to put in the yard. Sometimes he would gather small rocks, stack ‘em, glue ‘em together in 2’s or 3’s and give his creation to a grandchild. The family would laugh at my dad for his “thing with rocks”.

Here I am, years later, realizing I also have a “thing with rocks.” I even found a rock to represent me. I found it in my mind first. I was doing visualization for personal growth and saw a rock. I later went to the Black Market Mineral Store to find my visual metaphor. It was a ¼ of a geode that was cut and polished on 2 sides. The outer crust was rough, almost ugly if that is all one saw. Cut open, inside were many, many clear crystals with shades of blue closer to the outer edge. I saw the multi facets inside my rock as the many parts within me. This rock reminds me to see my many parts as well as embrace my inner beauty.

My point---we are multi faceted. We are complex. Look inside and find what is good about you. I gave up self criticism long ago and decided to look for what is good about me.

My ADD Life

I was visiting with my neighbor, Karen—actually, I went over to her home to get some help with a jewelry making project. I like rocks, all kinds. I collect them from the beach and from the store. I am not a big fan of jewelry until recently when I discovered that rocks could be made into jewelry. I had such a rock and needed help converting it into something that would hang around my neck. Karen is talented in areas that I have not discovered my talents--one being jewelry making.

As she was making my jewelry, we were chatting about having so many interests and not having enough time. She laughed and said, “It is like having an ADD life”. (ADD, as in attention deficient disorder or hyperactivity or in our case, hyper-interests.) We both agreed that we were grateful to have so many interests, some that we have not even discovered, because these interests keep life fun and full of discovery.

I noticed at the Bead Store, a beautiful rock hanging around someone’s neck. This rock was wrapped with silver to make something that I knew my rocks would be beautiful in. And, I was in luck---there was a class on this jewelry making Oh, dear! Could it be another interest? I decided to let my mind consider the idea before jumping into another way to spend money and time. I even sorted through my rock, looking for the ones that would look beautiful wrapped in such a way and pondered what else I might do with my gems. So far I haven’t “registered” to become a budding “rock embellisher”, but you can watch for me on QVC.

I think that people are a little like rocks. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some are polished, some are cracked. I choose to look for the beauty in each individual rock. A rock might look like a simple stone and perhaps that is all it is. Even a simple stone can be something special or serve a purpose. Maybe when it is cracked open or polished, who knows what will be inside? Life has a way to crack us and polish us. Shall we look inside?