Core Strength

Leah delivered a baby boy on Sunday after being induced and having a C-section. It was a long haul. Leah demonstrated incredible strength and determination through this pregnancy. She came to me stating she was going to keep her baby because she knew the birth father would not cooperate and she was old enough to parent a child. She later had a spiritual impression that caused her to consider adoption. She changed her mind, decided to place her child and has agonized over whether or not the birth father would cooperate. Her blood pressure sky rocketed due to the stress.
One evening after group, Leah and I tried calling the birth father again. Much to our surprise, he answered the phone and said that although he didn’t want to place his child, he was going to cooperate with the adoption. Leah wept. It seemed to be a miracle. It has been interesting to watch things come into place for Leah. Although it has not been easy, it appears that she is going to be able to place. She feels strongly it is not her time to raise a child and the adoptive couple she has chosen is better prepared to parent her baby.
Leah stayed in the hospital 3 days before going home. She had planned to go home with her baby for a few days. On her first day home, she became overwhelmed with feelings of doubt. She called me crying and asked to come in for a visit. She came in immediately and we talked about her concerns. I told Leah the worst thing she could do was to place her baby because she didn’t want to “disappoint people”. I told her that many people might be hurt if she kept, but they would get over it. Leah said she didn’t know how much she would love her son after he was born and letting him go was much more difficult that she expected. She feared she would not be able to recover from the loss.
As we visited, she decided that she would like to meet the adoptive couple that had driven many miles to meet her. They arrived shortly and we all visited, feeling tense as we were all aware of Leah “leaning towards keeping”. Twenty minutes into the visit, Leah asked to talk to me alone. She told me privately that they knew this was the family to raise her son. She told me that she knew from the minute they walked into the room to meet her. She felt peace and was confident that she wanted to place her son for adoption.
In this roller coaster ride that Leah was experiencing, she held onto her core for strength. She listened to her heart and her mind. She prepared herself, and although she was side-swiped by a wave of hormones, she was able to follow through with her plan. She cried at placement when she left without her son, but she holds on to the knowledge that she will see him again some day.
I know people wonder, "Why did she do it?" I can tell you "Why". Because she was thinking about her baby rather than herself. She was willing to suffer in order for her son to have a mother and a father.

I had lunch recently with Tammy. She placed her daughter for adoption 8 years ago and we continue to have contact. She has married, had a son, divorced and has been a single mom for about 4 years. She is currently completing her AA degree and hopes to eventually work in the adoption field or human services once she completes her BA degree.
Tammy was one of my “wild” girls and I still smile when I think of her. She loved to dance and party and found it difficult at times to live her standards. She had enthusiasm for life without focus on a goal. Being a mom has helped her move forward with a purpose. She has been more successful in school since being a mom. She has also participated in some helpful group therapy which helped her address her relationship issues. Yea, Tammy.
We met for lunch because she was visiting family in the area and wanted to tell me about you plans to marry. She met Richard on the Internet. They became acquainted by phone before meeting in person. He lives in Washington DC and she lives in Washington . They plan to be married in the temple this summer. I am so happy for Tammy and pray that the one she chooses to marry is honest in his dealings with her.
It was fun to hear her talk about finishing school, buying a house, having a “ring” and raising more children with a father. At 30, she has had many experiences that I hope help her as she continues to go forward in her life.